Skunks In Boston or Why Getting Mugged Is Not My Only Fear Coming Home Drunk At Night

Do you know what Boston has that I've never had to deal with in my life before? Skunks! Yeah, skunks! Are you kidding me? Someone told me skunks are as bad as rats are in Baltimore. Now in case you don't know Baltimore, where I'm from, has a bad rat problem, and I don't mean tiny little white lab rats. I'm talking rats that eat stray cats! The rodents of unusual size from Princess Bride look at Baltimore rats and say "Damn that's a big bitch!"

Skunks as bad as rats, are you kidding me? Do you know how you get rid of a rat when you see one on the street? You jump up and down and scream like a little girl and eventually they scurry off. The one thing you don't want to do is frighten a skunk. Scaring them is the reason they piss on you. And according to my boss being late to work because you had to wash skunk stink off is not an acceptable excuse.

I have backpacked all over this country and through Europe and the one animal I have not encountered in the woods are skunks. If you see a bear in the woods do you know how you scare 'em away? You yell. You make noise. Or you do what I did when a bear walked into my tent, sniffed the air, turned around and walked out. Sit motionless in you sleeping bag and go "Bbbb… bbbbeeee… bear…" Yeah I went from adventurous outdoors-men to Shaggy from Scooby Doo real quick.

It amazes me that Boston of all places hasn't eradicated it's skunk problem. This town is all Irish. Do you realize their ancestors helped banish all the snakes in Ireland? Well, when we say Saint Patrick got rid of all the snakes we really know they meant protestants, but lets not have a religious debate.

Seriously, just pick your stinkiest Irish rednecks, give them a case of pbr, a bottle of Jamison and let them go to town on your skunk problem. Then when it's taken care of do what the British used to do, and shot the rednecks.